Disappointment

No, this isnt me...

I'm really a mess this semester. Partly because I am not good in the subjects I take, and partly because I feel under motivated. I begin to question myself, what good is 4 HDs? What good is CGPA 4.0? Isn't it in the very end just a number? Sure, you might find jobs much easier, but in the end aren't you still doing a job? Still sweating and bleeding for that thing called money? I try to ignore this questions as much as I can, thinking to myself, hey, just do your best for now and hope for a better future. 

Still, several other things happened that made me few a bit down lately. Problems with friends, the annoying feeling I get when people asks me to help them with their work, and more recently, the failure to obtain a Merit "Scholarship". I don't get why people ask me questions related to work, sure, I got good results the previous semester, but this sem, I nearly flunked my tests. I also find it annoying when people do not read the instructions properly and scrambled to find help when the help is right in front of them. Can't they explore the things themselves instead of relying on asking others? Help yourself first, if it fails, only then seek the aid of others. If you do not try, you're never gonna learn.

And then there's the Merit Scholarship, or rather so-called Scholarship. It's just a deduction of tuition fee for the next semester. Requirements? All HDs in the subjects you take. Did I achieve it? Hell, yes. So why then did I not get the subsidy? Apparently because I already had the Entrance Scholarship, the subsidy I got when I first entered the uni. True, it's "to be fair" to others. But the number of people achieving the scholarship did not even reach the quota. So I'm sure you can give it to people like me. Speaking of which, why is there a quota in the first place? Aren't you suppose to encourage us to study? Fixing a quota just pulled my spirits and hopes down all the more. And then you didn't even give up to the quota. Sheesh...

I guess in the end there is nothing I can do about it. As for this sem, I doubt I can achieve a similar feat. Engineering Maths A is a killer, followed closely by Multimedia. As for Programming II and EnC, I think I can do it. But it is kinda weird for EnC. I mean, we get only 10%  for an assignment we labored on for a month. And then we get 50% for a 2 hour test. Weird.

So for now, I'm gonna hope for the best, and leave the rest to God. If I don't get all HDs, so be it. I just wanna live my life like this:

Happy-go-lucky...

PS: I should be posting about my nice dream this morning about Dissidia Duodecim, but I'm kinda lazy now, going to watch some anime. Might post is later tonight....